Stay
by kkiiittttyyyyy
Summary: I wrote this while waiting fo the episode "The Grandfather" to come out. : Enjoy!


**Title: Stay  
Author: Kitty  
Pairing: N/B  
Warning: May contain spoiler elements.  
A/N: This is dedicated to all my fellow NB shippers. Enjoy everyone! :)**

_Sometimes, she wishes she could change things. _

_Sometimes, she wishes she hadn't let her life go._

***

Everything had been so simple in the beginning. There was a plan, a guide – a set of rules she was to follow. She knew her place, knew where she was and where she was going to be. Failure was unheard of and so were panic and self-destruction. Never did she have to worry about school or her relationships, her modestly increasing weight or the mess that her personal space had become. It was unheard of her to be on such a path. Yet here she was, standing at that fork in the road of life, being pushed to make the choice once and for all.

Blair Waldorf sighed dramatically. She was in one of the least-used parlors of the Vanderbilt family house. Elsewhere, a party was going on with the crème de la crème of the Upper East Side in full attendance. While the alcohol had made her act out uncharacteristically earlier, her mind was presently as clear as glass. The thoughts swirling in her mind were confusing in nature but sharp, leading her to seriously ponder on the recent turns her life had taken.

The beginning of the end was, quite obviously, Nate Archibald. Yes, that (gorgeous) cheating (piece of) ass. Much of her plans had concerned him, that much was certain. Everyone she knew, at one point or another, had heard of her happily-ever-after plans with the Captain's son. She was going to marry him and have beautiful children with him – be the perfect UES family that would leave all others in the dust. These were foolish thoughts. Blair knew as much now. But she had been young, innocent and immature when she had dreamed them up and honestly, she missed the girl she had been. That girl was much easier to live with.

Losing Nate hadn't been a single, solitary event. It had brought on other changes that led to her current downward spin into the unknown. The most obvious mistake had been, of course, his best friend. Chuck Bass. How she could have ever allowed him into her life she could never understand. He was the complete antithesis of Nate. Chuck was rough where her former boyfriend was gentle, dark where he was bright and golden, insensitive where he was sweet and thoughtful. Then again, he had also been exciting and unpredictable, things that she had felt were greatly lacking in her life at that time. But more than that, she saw now that what had attracted her to womanizer was the fact that he was just so _beneath _her. Whereas Nate had been the perfect boyfriend, perfect son and perfect friend for much of his life, Chuck had never been perfect at anything except being an ass. Being with the Golden Boy had fed on her insecurities and that last blow, sleeping with Serena, had magnified them even more. Being with Chuck actually fed her ego and so she had eagerly taken him on as her newest project, tried to change and remodel him into a man that would make him acceptable for the role she intended him to play. As expected, she had failed.

Then there were the other negative things she had brought upon herself. Her scheming had been raised to a whole new level ever since her break-up with Nate, the absence of her own personal "check-and-balance." The greatest scheme involved Miss Carr – and it was also the one with the most hurtful consequence. Yale had been her longtime dream. It had been hers ever since she had known what college was, for chrissakes. She had lost other parts of herself, of her plan, along the way but never had she imagined she would be losing Yale too. The university had been her last chance, her last hope for maintaining balance and normalcy in her world. Now even that was gone.

Silently, Blair ticked off the people and things her past actions had cost her – Nate, Chuck as a friend, her clean reputation, her father's trust, Yale. As she struggled to remember the other – less important – things, she heard the door behind her open.

"Blair! There you are! What are you doing here?"

Hearing Nate's voice, the deep baritone edged with worry and concern, did nothing to help her already hurting heart. All of a sudden, she wanted to burst into tears and hug him – to place her arms around his muscular frame and hide her face in the space between his neck and shoulder. Blair wanted to forget everything – all that had gone wrong and all that she had lost. She longed to be comforted by the boy who had seen her through her worst and had kept her grounded throughout most of her life. Nate was everything stable and familiar and at that moment, she really needed that. She needed to know that everything would be okay – that _she _would be okay. Yet pride stopped her and she remained stoic and unmoving.

"Blair, can you hear me? I asked if you were okay," he continued, bending his knees so his face would be level with hers. She was leaning against the back of a sofa and had her chin tucked into her neck. Blair looked very much like the little girl he had first fallen in love with – though he didn't understand it then – when he was a little boy. In a moment of clarity, he decided to deal with Blair the way he best knew how – by just being _there_. "It'll be okay, B."

Nate got up to his full height, sighed and shrugged his jacket off. Placing it on her shoulders, he lead her to one of the chaise lounges and seated her primly. He took the seat adjacent to hers and decided to give her a moment of silence to gather her thoughts.

To Blair, everything was happening like a dream sequence. Nate was here, beside her, and neither of them was trying to run away. After everything that had happened between them, she had barely been able to stomach being in the same room with him. In fact, she'd secretly hated being subjected to the sight of him and Vanessa who, to her, was honestly just _beneath _him. She was about to say something when he finally broke the silence.

"Grandfather was looking for you."

"Oh," she replied flatly. "Tell him…sorry. For the mess I caused in the ballroom, I mean."

"Mess? What mess?"

"I kind of embarrassed myself. Got a little tipsy and…well, let's just say I said some unfavorable things," she finished, looking away.

"Oh."

They fell into a comfortable silence and just reveled in the fact of each other's presence. This was actually something they had both missed in their months apart – being with someone whose simple presence was already enough to satisfy. Blair and Nate had known each other so long that most of the time, words were no longer needed to communicate or comfort.

"Grandfather got me an internship at the Mayor's office," Nate said after a while.

His former girlfriend tilted her head toward him and attempted a smile. "That's great then. It will be good for you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Only…Well, Vanessa and I were supposed to go Europe this summer."

She winced inwardly at the mention of his new girlfriend's name but decided to carry on, "Then it depends on what matters to you more then – being with her or accepting your family's offer."

"I…Well…Ah, whatever. I shouldn't be bothering you about that. Blair, have you ever felt like our families expect too much from us?"

"Of course they do," she spat. "They always want so much – for us to be perfect – and keep on pushing us to be the best. Nothing ever seems to be good enough and they just keep making us try harder and harder. We try so hard living dreams that originally weren't even ours in the first place!" At this point, her voice had begun to crack and the tears in her eyes were threatening to spill. "But at the same time we can't complain. _I _can't complain. Because I've been living this life so long, pursuing these dreams that somewhere along the way, the lines have blurred and I actually find myself wanting what they – or rather _she_ wants from me also."

Nate got up from his chair and sat beside her. Gingerly, he placed his left arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. "Ssssshhhh…Blair…" he said huskily, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"I'm so lost Nate. I don't understand anything anymore. Everything was so perfect before. But look at where we are now. We don't even know each other anymore and you used to be the most important person to me. _I _don't even know myself anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Bringing her away from him slightly, he placed both his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. "You will _always_ be Blair Waldorf and _nothing _will ever change that – no matter what. Granted the way you're acting now isn't the way my Blair – " she blushed lightly at this statement " – used to act but I know that _she_'s still in there somewhere. Like you said, she's just lost. Maybe she just needs help to get back on the right track, you know?"

Blair found her self calming immensely at his words and gave a determined nod.

"I do understand how you feel, Blair. There was a time when I felt like my life was all planned out for me. My father had me all set to go to Dartmouth and my mother had me all set to be the perfect son. Even _you_ had your plans for me. But in the end, no matter what everyone plans for you, it's always what _you _want that matters in the end. Sometimes, it matches with what all the others want – like you said, the lines blur – and sometimes, it's different. Everyone will learn how to deal with it eventually. So don't worry too much, okay? When we're old and looking back, I'm thinking this period of our lives, no matter how dark and confusing they might seem, will all be a kind of blip. They'll be outshone by the happier, better memories – the best of times."

When he said that last sentence, he was looking at her so intently that Blair swore she could feel herself melting. His hand had moved down to hold both of hers and her mind had wandered to _her_ "best of times." They were undoubtedly the days when this very boy had her heart on his sleeve. She was thinking about saying something in line with her thoughts when she felt Nate get up from the lounge.

"Come on Blair. I think you've had enough excitement for tonight. Would you like me to bring you home?"

Blair looked up at him and found the face of her first love smiling down at her boyishly, his right hand extended towards her. It once again reminded her of simpler times, a time in her life that she wished to return to desperately. Perhaps it was too late for that now. Honestly, it probably was. But a girl could still hope. She knew it wasn't wrong to hope. And even if he never became her boyfriend again, she did want her best friend back. Blair had missed his wise – and sometimes pot-induced – words and comforting presence. Fixing her life – perhaps it would start here.

"Sure, Archibald," she said with a shrug. "But wait."

"What?"

Shyly, she asked, "Would it have really been so bad…if my plans for you had gone through?"

"No," he replied, without missing a beat. "Looking back…it wouldn't have been bad at all."

She gave him a small smile then as she took his hand.

"Aha! There it is. I've been waiting for that," he replied, placing an arm around her. "That's my girl! Come on. I came in here looking for you because of Grandfather, remember? He says he wants to see how the infamous Miss Waldorf has grown up."

For a while, Blair allowed herself to believe that everything would be alright again.

Later that night, as Nate brought her back to her house, she gave Dorota specific instructions not to let anybody up to her room. While she was feeling much better, she was also not ready to face anyone else just yet. She still had some unresolved feelings and issues that she knew still needed to be attended to. Blair honestly didn't want to risk taking one step backward as she made two steps forward. There was a lot she had to think about and even more she had to fix.

"Thank you for bringing Miss Blair back, Mister Nate," Dorota told the handsome boy graciously.

"Oh, it's no problem. You know I would do anything to help," he said politely. Dorota had honestly always liked him better than Mister Chuck. The other boy had hurt her mistress too much. "If you don't mind, Dorota, I'll just bring her up to her room."

"Oh, oh. No problem, Mister Nate."

Before leading her up the stairs, Nate removed his jacket from Blair's shoulders and placed them on the arm of one of the Waldorf's plush sofas. Gently supporting her small body, he brought his former girlfriend to the room in which they had spent many idle – and sometimes very _interesting_ – days together. Settling her at the edge of her bed, he took a look around and discovered that certain parts of it had changed. Gone were their many pictures together and the random things that he had always had littered around. Now, there were just Blair's things, arranged neatly and properly, a sign of the room's owner's obsessive-compulsiveness. He was glad to note, however, that the room was also free of all other _male _things – specifically from his best friend. Maybe the thing between them wasn't as serious as Nate thought and Chuck had made him believe.

"So…" he started, "You should get some sleep now. I'll maybe, uh, check on you in the morning?"

As Nate made for the door, Blair – still partially lost in the disturbing events of the past few months – found her self doing something she never imagined she would _ever_ have the guts to do ever again. Reaching out, she grabbed his wrist just as he was about to turn his back to her.

"Stay."

If there was one thing she discovered tonight, it was not that Nate Archibald mattered to her because of the part she wanted him to play in her plans. He mattered because he _supported_ her so she could achieve them. When he was beside her, she was reminded of the girl who didn't just wish but _knew_ that she could do anything.

***

_Sometimes, she knows she could still change things. _

_Sometimes, she knows she will never let her life go._

**A/N: Review? :)**


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